WORKING
AND LIVING UNDER FEAR
Our work is never easy, trying to get people who are in a crisis or depressed to put their lives back in order. But when you add in that you might also be in their shoes shortly, it is even harder. Here are a few thoughts I throw out to you, I have been in a similar situations myself working and living with fear.
I have a belief that that everything happens for a reason and a purpose. But like all of us who believe in something spiritual, I can not prove it, so there is always the possibility I am wrong. However, as I look over my past life, everything that has happened to me, even when I thought it was bad, in retrospect has moved me to a better understanding of myself and the world around me. Most of the time I am in a better spot then I was before. The fear comes from not knowing where I am going. The fear always takes me into negative thinking. I forget the past growth and start projecting about the worse case situation; this is when I get in big trouble. I forget all of the past successes and start thinking about only this situation. My mind starts the chatter: "This time it will not turn out for the good. There will be no lesson, no resurrection from the situation. It will end in a permanent situation that I will never get out of, a real disaster this time."
This is when I have to renew and stop all of the negative thinking. (I only wish I could do it instantly, it still takes time to change my focus, but I am getting better.) I do it by using the serenity mantra or prayer. I clear my mind of all the negative chatter. I remind myself that my biggest job is to accept the things I cannot change and to have the courage to change the things I can. Then, the last part, I find this the most difficult; the wisdom to know the difference. I remind myself of past experiences with success. I know in theory that there is a lesson for me to learn, but I am not always a willing student. I just have to focus on graduation and the new understanding of life and let go of something I cannot change. All if this is easier said then done but it works!
How do you deal with situations when you have fear? Let us know and I will pass it on.
RESPONSES:
I think it's always a challenge to face a new situation and when it's a job change or loss it's one that people have the most fear of. I've just gone through one of these myself and the worst fear is of the unknown. I was in a supervisory position and was looking at being demoted. Not know where I would be was both physically and emotionally taxing. For nearly six months I knew I would be facing some type of change but did not know what it would be. During that time I had to look into myself daily to give myself pep talks that would make me think of the positives that could result. I also had many people looking to me for information and comfort in what their future held. Since I didn't have their answer any more than I had my own it was a daily struggle. By helping my employees and co-workers keep a positive attitude, I helped myself. I warned them to keep negative thoughts away and think of ways these changes could make their lives better. Even though nearly all of us were looking at income changes, I tried to keep them thinking of how different jobs could help them in the future by having different experiences. Yes, some of them lost their jobs, but some ended up in better positions because of it. Some may never get their old jobs back, but may not want to because of changes that have been made. I think I've made a good adjustment and have gotten a position from my demotion that is interesting and challenging to me. Each situation is unique and each person must evaluate it by their own experiences and what they want out of the future.
I also use the same mental thoughts given in your situation: "I remind myself that my biggest job is to accept the things I cannot change and to have the courage to change the things I can. Then, the last part, I find this the most difficult; the wisdom to know the difference." This helps me to keep things in perspective and look deeply into each new challenge that comes along for the positive side of it.
Marge
in
Paul- This email and the information it contained could not have come at a better time! This week promises to be especially trying. At any rate, I find that the more I question and find facts regarding my situation, the more in control I feel and therefore the better I feel. Once I even just sat down and updated my resume. Not that I was going to send it out but, knowing that if something happened, I would be ready. I feel that the more that I can gain control of, the better I feel. Thanks, Angee
Fear is a little troll that is always waiting to pop up and take you for a ride. Some people live with it completely and others hang-out with it periodically.
I'm one of the ones who hang-out once in a while. When it comes around, the first thing I do is panic. My head gets full of internal conversations that I will never have, and my outward appearance gets tense. I keep it bottled up until I finally give in to the fact that I can't "do it alone" and I choose someone I trust to "spill my guts to."
After I get passed my insanity, I seek internal spiritual guidance and then I remember something I told a client a long time ago..."F-E-A-R is False Evidence Appearing Real." Even if the event that I am fearing does happen, the outcome is up to me. I can become a victim or I can become my own champion. My life has not always been smooth and I just have to remember that my worse fears somehow never happen. When one door closes, another door opens...
Cinthia
- CA
I
appreciated your thoughts on fear. I am experiencing fear as an emotion
currently. I recently quit a job & have had to resort to a part time, temp.
job to take care of the fear of not meeting my survival needs. I
have given myself permission to let myself be where
I am at so that I can get some things done that I have been procrastinating
about (roof leak fixed) while I am able to.
I am doing my part where my footwork is needed. I am
praying and meditating. Also, I am reading daily readings that help to change my
attitude as well as going to step studies & my regular meetings.
Keeping the faith, best, Debra
I
think this week's subject is very relevant to all of us. Gone are the days when
government workers were assured of having a job 'till they retired. We live
in times when funding is found to carry programs on, and we are in times when
funding can just as quickly be lost to other programs, or just lost. The thought
of a layoff can be very real. Combine that with the inherent stress that comes
with our line of work, and it can be overpowering.
Marlo Morgan in her book "Mutant Message Down Under" talks of some
Aboriginal tribes in
to me today be for the greatest good of everything around me". In the
Aboriginal lifestyle, this is more than just a saying. Maybe they will see a
part of nature they had never seen before, and be uplifted by it. Maybe they
will not find any food that day. Maybe
that day will bring the death of one of their members and that person's body
will then nourish plant and animal.
I try to put this prayer into my daily life, because you see, what every happens
today, my prayer will have been answered. That said, it can be difficult some
days to get that thought from my head and make it reality in my heart, but it is
a goal I hold as uppermost in my life. Take care my friend, Gary Michaels
Hi
Paul,
As
for my weekend, the positive portion was when I heard from my son who is a US
Marine and over in
I
sure can relate to this fear factor of losing employment, as an example; my
husband is 61 years old and works for Vons, and he is currently on strike which
makes the funds slim.
And
then with my recent cut in hours with the school district that took place in
(August) I truly have grounds for FEAR of what our future holds.
Even
with all the training and knowledge I have in the area of motivation, enhancing
self-esteem, and redirecting bad attitudes and behaviors, I admit right now
there are times when I find myself in a chair sitting in the dark and allowing
myself a moment to cry.
After
my moment of release, I pull it together with my choice of thoughts.
For an example; whatever I think will create how I feel and how I feel
will create me to do or not do something.
So
in order for me to make it, I choose to (think, feel, see and believe that I
will) and this process creates me to make it happen.
Is
it easy? No, it is not easy, but it
is crucial if we are to take the bad and find the good in it and turn things
around. Redirecting is vital.
Our
time here is one time, and it is by choose on how we spend that time, and that
is based upon the choices we make. Patty
In
my job clubs...I spend quite a bit of time(when appropriate) talking about the
motivating force of fear and love.....and the various sub-categories of fear and
love...fear of failure. Fear of success and fear of the unknown...and to varying
degrees...love....and its antecedents.....care, concern,
compassion.......preparation reduces anxiety...a little anxiety is
good(anticipation) a lot of anxiety is bad(stress) and the inability to cope or
to master a situation.....does one have goal directed behavior or just
"hand wringing".......the unemployed situation (theirs or potentially
yours) becomes an opportunity to grow,evolve...transforming....it's all in your
perspective......most of us seem or appear to operate from scarcity or
lack......primarily because that was the way we were raised............len
I, like you, have to work at quieting the negative thoughts that flood in with uncertainty. I also believe that when one door closes, a better door opens. Yet like many, I cling to known things, because change is scary. We have been taught that "good things" happen to "good people", so when something "bad" happens, what are we?
In his article "The Radical Road to Self-Esteem", Dr. David K. Reynolds challenges traditional ideas about self-esteem. He states "I think people who lack self-esteem lack is because they haven't taken enough risks and haven't succeeded enough!" Remember Einstein's experiments failed numerous times before his inventions were successful.
It starts in school when the standard is set for perfection. If you fail a test you get an "F". And usually, you can't take the test again. Maybe we should let children test and test and test until they succeed. And throw away the darned grading system. Our clients often come from a system they could never navigate successfully. Some have hidden disabilities or were raised in homes with domestic violence or substance abuse. They never got the chance to take safe risks and succeed. To give good case management we must design a system of small risks and successes, moving them forward to their goals. As Case Managers we must ease their fears of failure by being an advocate and friend. When they win in life we all win!
When
dealing with fear, I try to put it in perspective...will it really
happen? what's the worse that can happen? will I still have my family,
friends? If it isn't going to kill me, I'll still be alive. I personally
prefer to meet fear head on. Face it, get past it and move on.
Karin
This
will seem simple. It is. This is something that a friend taught me
during college(many years ago). Just go with the fear. Let it happen.
Example
I don't pass this test
I flunk out of college
I lose the apartment
I go home
I am embarrassed
I lose new friend including that special person I am starting to see.
I am depressed
I don't eat I stay in my room etc etc...
Then
I get a part time job
go to jr college.
I get knew friends
next year I transfer back to University
And I have learned a lot about myself
Fail, Lose everything, Just take your fear and run with it. When it's
finished destroying your peace of mind, you can concentrate on the
positive. He was an athlete that lost his leg do to a drunk driver. The
driver was his brother. My friend recovered from the accident and was
very happy in college. His brother never recovered.
I have used this method during the recent threats of job loss. I will
lose then I will recover. I am always skinnier and cuter in my recovery
scenario.
Linda
As I read your reflections I saw a key word that seemed pervasive in your essay. FEAR, and that is what we are talking about here. Major life changes are just that; CHANGES, change always involves fear. I just recently resigned from my position because the Township Trustee took over the Shelter where I was working. All my work was for naught, and the Shelter took a giant step backwards about 20 years in my estimation. I became too distraught at the way the clients were being treated and was completely powerless to do anything. Herein lies the key: When the discomfort of a situation becomes so unbearable it overcomes the fear involved in the change, we change. And, as you reflected oftentimes we lack the proper perspective to see what is really going on, and it is usually for the best, in retrospect. Peace,
Damian
I'm
going to start with a story that has recently surfaced here in our
own little world----WID/Visalia :) We have had several layoffs, service
providers have also had layoffs...thus losing several of co-workers, &
colleagues. I had never seen such wonderful people going to work for
those that were going to lose their jobs. We had job leads for them
left and right. We called on old friends and new ones too, we worked
very hard at not letting anyone get depressed. We offered advice
regarding employers calling them, you name it we were there for them. We
started a moral booster (5 minute stand up meetings.) Many of us have
the same belief, that "things" happen for a reason. I think once you
have been in the field of helping people, and you have had the
experience of seeing changes first hand, it is easier to believe in
things happening for a reason. I pretty much have no other belief
accept that things happen for a reason, that our creator has something
better for us in store. I have lots of faith and know that better is in
store. It has been proven to me over and over why things happen when
they happen. I live by this belief. There's the story, that you've
probably heard over and over.....the man in a boat that gets caught in a
storm, goes overboard, survives a few days floating on piece of wood,
telling himself that GOD is going to take care of him. He declines help
from three different sources, and ends up dying. Asks the creator why
it was that he allowed him to die, and the creator tells him I sent you
help three different times, you declined them..... With this in mind, I
always look for the signs :) Thanks Paul, have a great week yourself.
First,
You go home and crawl under the covers or stand in a hot shower and
cry. Then you get out and read The Daily Word from Unity and you are sure
to find an answer to the problems. Learning to live and work and enjoy life
after a stroke @ age 51 taught me fear can be conquered. Then my husband
died and I lost my job, got a new job that didn't work out and applied for
unemployment and kept reading The Daily Word. Then Divine Order took over,
fears turned into opportunities including a broken hip and a new job which
has now passed four years. After two years on the new job, cognitive
difficulties from the stroke kicked in big time and I was threatened with
losing the job. Again Divine Order took over in the form of cognitive
retraining, The Daily Word gave me renewed faith and hope and I am finally
able to plan for a future starting at age 62. Fear can be conquered even
when faced with seemingly overwhelming odds. Again, I say, never say
"no"
for someone else even when that someone else is yourself. There could be a
"Yes" waiting in the wings. Bless you, Paul for keeping all of us
focused
on the "Yes". Aloha, Joy
I
deal with fear by Praising God! One
of the most important issues is to put things in perspective.
When my father died I thought, "How can the grass still be
green?" When I was a
victim of an armed robbery I was in total fear and I got on my knees and God
brought me peace. When my mother's
breast cancer took her life all my brothers and sisters gathered around her and
we sang Amazing Grace and God's sweet presence filled the room.
When my husband found out he had a brain tumor and Parkinson's disease I
thought at 39 I could not breath, but we gathered with the Elders and prayed.
Eight years have passed and my husband is still with me and I thank God
for him everyday. When my
18-year-old daughter was told she would not likely have children because she had
the same symptoms that led to my husband's pituitary tumor, I felt like I would
throw up, but we prayed all night on and off for several nights, God said he
would send JOY and six years later we had a perfect gift from above a beautiful
granddaughter. When my 48-year-old
sister was diagnosed with stage 4 Breast Cancer, I thought oh My God not my
sister too, not so young, but we prayed together and Praised God for the trail.
My sister was told she would be dead within 18 months and it has been 2
years and she is still working everyday and feels good.
Last week I cried because I went to the doctor and he said due to my
diabetes I was in stage one of renal failure, but I praised God in the midst of
FEAR and he conquered. Remember to
give the situation to God and then praise him for what he has already done.
I know God has something special for me to do because my trails are heavy
at times. He has to prepare me to
meet the challenge and I praise him for using me.
I have never shared my story with a large number of people, but I thank
Paul for that opportunity. Remember
to praise God in the midst of what you are going through and he will send you
guidance and peace. Turn your fear
into ACTION and make a plan, cover it with prayer and watch for your blessing
and see what GOD can do! In every
situation of fear God has been with me and he will be with you also.
The awesome part of God is he loves us all the same equally no matter
what! Seek his face in all things!
Blessings
to all!
Ethel
Smith
HI Paul,
One thing has been a constant for me in my life. My fears, doubts and suspicions
usually revolve around not knowing if I made the right decision, and doubting
myself. This has sometimes prevented me from making any decision, or change.
There have been times when I stayed much too long at a job or in a relationship
because of this.
Whenever something has happened in my life that I had no control over, there was
almost a sense of relief, no matter how bad the event. Afterwards, my strength
and desire to move forward always kicked in, and put me in a better spot that I
was before. My mind just went into auto pilot, my doubts were erased, the answer
eventually became clear as glass. My most peaceful times were times of major
life changing events, after acceptance.
I guess that exemplifies what you say about the Serenity prayer, that the
hardest one to grasp is "the wisdom to know the difference."
The other thing we have to keep in mind to keep going, is that we cannot let our
clients down, no matter how bad we feel on the inside. That's also a hard thing
to remember. But if we can ease one person's pain, or make someone feel hopeful
that day, we empower ourselves.
We
are not what we know but what we are willing to learn. Mary Catherine Bateson
Bonnie
CA
I completely agree with your philosophy. I think
that life is full of
choices and we can choose to live in faith or live in fear. When I find
myself slipping into the "fear mode", I remind myself of that choice.
I, too, have been through some very tough economic times. So tough, that
the income of my family decreased by almost 75% due to a loss of a job. It
very much reminded me that situations outside of our control can lead us
into poverty very quickly. Because I am fortunate enough to possess the
behavior patterns of the middle class, we were able to rebound. But I
walked away from this experience with a better understanding of the families
we serve who are not so fortunate. I have committed to memory this verse
"But by the grace of God go I." Because I am a Christian, I look for
encouragement through the scriptures and am reminded that when a door
closes, God opens a window. Deb Briggs,
We face our fear in every person we witness as struggling. I don't believe we would be in this job if there were not a personal lesson to be learned in this seeming fear. It is necessary to look full into the madness so we might finally address its grip and its progeny in our own mind. Fear has us settling for crumbs from the masters table, as we have fog-gotten who We are in the mental clouds born of too much inane noise/activity. Our clients have fog-gotten there capacity for Good - May we not join in suffering this ignorance.
Fear begets restlessness in me. I have learned that without allowing fear to produce its minions of doubt - its offspring - its seeming cause subsides, and a clearer judgment comes to mind. Reason replaces reaction and rest replaces resistance. I take leave of my busy-ness and reflect upon what certainty I know. I give faith to a growing certainty garnered from reading, ritualizing, and remembering the lessons of my brothers - great men who faced much more dire circumstances (fear) and yet left us there certain-hope.
Everything is an i-dea. Learn to Think with Good for every i-dea begets itself; feelings follow quick upon their heal(under-standing) amplifying your mental vibrations into forms (through attractions and repulsions) that perfectly out picture our thoughts reflected in our visible conditions (self or Self fulfilling prophecy). Nothing is truly hidden - we give public testimony of our beliefs by the fruit our thoughts bear. Plant the seeds of hope, happiness, and peace in the soil of the conscious level of mind that the weeds of fear may not take root.
Namaste' Paul - Love Mike
Great to hear from you and I appreciate that you send out e-mails as often as you do, even though I do not respond often. I read your comments on fear and totally agree. It is important to understand, although at times hard to accept, that we need not fear as we are never alone. Prayer helps me when I am fearful. I try to pray every morning welcoming the will of our Creator with the hope that I will not disappoint Him. Fear of losing a job, to me, is fear of the unknown. To trust that everything will be alright is very hard. There is a plan for each of us and we need to persevere in doing our best, helping others find work or looking for other work our selves. Thanks for sharing your personal thoughts!
Anita Oaxaca,Project Manager