I received a letter from a case manger in NY who asked if we could discuss how to better serve males on our Welfare case load. The letter and a few of my thoughts are below. I would love to hear what you have to say from your experiences in approaches to working effectively with men (and / or / versus) woman:
MALE
VERSUS FEMALE CLIENTS: IS THERE A DIFFERENCE IN APPROACH?
Dear Paul
I need some feed back from others how can we better serve males on our Welfare case load. Males with dependent children living with them. For reasons unknown we do not work well with this population.
1. How can we get past the obvious, "you are an able bodied male why are your here and not working?"
2. How can we defuse their anger and resentment they have, that is usually directed to us?
3. How do you deal with medical issues, can't lift, can't stand, sit etc.
4. How can we deal with the macho issues, intimidation, refusing simple requests, job search verifications, criminal backgrounds,
Sincerely
NY State
Here are just a few random thoughts, let us know what you do.
I don’t think that all of the issues are just related to the male population. Many of the females that I have worked with have done some of the same things. I don’t want to stereotype my own sex but… None of us like to be told what to do, however I have found that men react to it more. I believe many men have been raised to believe that some things are men’s responsibilities and some are woman’s responsibilities. It is my experience that too many of the men follow out their early childhood toys. The girls got the dolls and the boys got the trucks. When they get older the woman get the children and the men drive away in their trucks. They may find that they are now stuck with the doll and no truck. This could go against everything they have been taught. Also men don’t have a lot of role models to being a single parent.
A few
things to do:
1. Check out if there are hardware problems. Always look for drug and alcohol related issues. To me this should be the first thing a case manager does, but is often ignored.
2. Discuss with them what their thoughts are and how they feel about being a single male parent. I also think it might be a great place for a group discussion. It might be nice if you had a former single parent who has been through all of this to speak to them in a group.
3. Remember for every person in front of you with a problem there is another person out there with the same issues and they are working.
RESPONSES
Interesting! I'm pleased to see someone else has noticed gender differences in this industry. We have a population that includes job seekers from very high income brackets and in my experience, regardless of income level, men are faced with certain cultural expectations.
One of the things I have noticed is that women seem to seek help sooner. Men seem to think they're supposed to solve the problem by themselves and so are often in a more desperate situation when they get to us.
Often they have been in highly paid jobs where they had a tremendous amount of responsibility and authority. Now they're out of a job. They have no power and no authority. They are faced with families who have expectations that may be completely unrealistic. For awhile they're OK in their job search. But give it six months...six months of rejection...six months of being offered jobs with less money, less responsibility, less authority, less prestige...six months of "why haven't you gotten a job yet?" from their family...six months of increasing self-doubt growing toward self-loathing.... This is a recipe for increased anger and frustration. And as we all know, the greater the anger and frustration, the greater the failure rate in the interviewing process.
So, the question remains...how do we help someone over these hurdles? How can we help a man - who has been enculturated to believe he must be "responsible" and self-sufficient - access help without further threatening his sense of self-worth? How can we help him regain his self-esteem?
I have no answers, but I agree that - thanks to our cultural expectations - it is a slightly different issue. From my observations, while women often have many of the same issues, they don't face such a stigma against seeking help, and are, therefore, in some cases easier to assist. --Cindra—
I feel that when we do
experience attitude differences between men and women, we need to also to look
to the culture that they come from, especially if they've come to the
I
believe that you have to remind the client that he is the head of household and
he is in "control". Remind him that he has a requirement from the
state to become employed and a obligation to his family to be the provider. If
you work together, client and case manager etc, eventually the client will
become self sufficient and his case will close and that is motivation for the
client to get on the ball. Remind him of his options, there are many. It all
starts with a good rapport with out that you will struggle with the client and
never get anywhere.
Check
out if there are hardware problems. Always
look for drug and alcohol related issues. To
me this should be the first thing a case manager does, but is often ignored. Case
manager does an assessment and when interviewing the client, if questions are
asked in a fashion that doesn't create the client to feel pulled or pushed, the
client generally will express, expose information freely. And it is important
that the case manager keep from making remarks, that lead client to feel as if
they are being judged. Thank the client for being honest, for the answers,
build that bridge of trust in that first interview. The more information you get
from the client, allows the (CM) to know which direction to place the client for
the appropriate service client needs.
2.
Discuss with them what their thoughts are
and how they feel about being a single male parent.
I also think it might be a great place for a group discussion.
It might be nice if you had a former single parent who has been through
all of this to speak to them in a group. Most
people do not enjoy being a single parent, because they feel many times as if
they are alone and have no out, like (time out) from the kids. I was a single
parent for more than four years, and I found to be helpful for me, was my way of
thinking, lead me to feel good and from that I behave in a manner that was
positive. It starts with your
thought pattern, that creates feelings and from feelings people behave. There
are people who are married and one parent does much more than the other in
regards to parenting, and that can create one parent to feel as a single parent
in a marriage. My attitude is there is one seat for a bus driver on a bus, and
there are many seats for passengers to sit but only one for the driver, and I
choose to place myself in the drivers seat when it comes to whatever I am doing,
my profession, working with a client, being a mother, wife, and doing things
that makes me happy (for myself). I am the driver of my life and I share my bus
with my family, co workers, clients, personally and professionally.
3.
Remember for every person in front of you
with a problem there is another person out there with the same issues and they
are working. I believe in giving a client the
tools to defuse, redirect, motivate and create solution to situations,
(problems) and I believe that not every client will take the tools given, or may
not use the tools right away, but it is important to continue to plant the
seeds, teach them the tools and then release yourself from them, while honoring
them the right to think and feel as they do, and remind them they are
responsible for whatever their decisions may be.
The question is how to reach them and motivate them to work/action. An
effective approach is to use the children. Al; l parents want more for their
children. They want the best. They expect their lives to be better. I ask
them what they want; for themselves and for their children. I ask them to
tell me the "dream". Then I advise them that children will do what they
see, not what they are told. It is never too late to take charge of your
life and make a change. If you want your child to stay in school and have a
career, you have to show them the way. They will follow your lead.
Stay away from "welfare" talk. Everyone out there should know what I mean.
Keep all language and conversation positive, use positive words. Give them
hope, show deep respect, and provide an atmosphere that fosters motivation
through the children.
I worked with a man who was on welfare, had children from a previous
marriage and had remarried. Due to the challenges of child support
payments, he had decided to not work. He and his new wife also had a
newborn son.
In a workshop, I told the group that the children will do what they see you
do. If you do not work, why do you think they will? If you give up, they
will give up. If you have nothing, they will have nothing. If you do not
care about yourself, then they believe you do not care about them. They
have no esteem or confidence. They do not care about themselves.
The gentleman left the 10 day workshop after two days and went back to work.
He came in to share that he was working. He returned to his union and they
took him back beginning immediately. His statement to me and the class was
that he wanted his son to respect him and to admire him. He wanted his son
to have a good life and the things he wanted. He wanted to be able to
provide a good life for his family. He wanted all of his children to know
that they were important to him and had value.
That's how you reach them. Diane
I
agree with most of what you said and I know for a fact that a Male
Counselor or Facilitator is less intimidating to a male participant.
There are unfortunately a number of men who will not cooperate or
respond to women. I have the luxury of one such Male facilitator
/Counselor who takes on the toughest male participant.
He really has the ability to see through the facades that the more
difficult male clients often present. The facilitator/Counselor maintains
an upbeat, positive, firm, motivating leadership with all of his
participants and is very successful in his placement of participants
into full time employment and instills a sense of pride
and responsibility to all of them by providing them a positive role
model. Greg in the Desert
My thoughts/experience on
female vs male on welfare....
I have met with both genders well over the years. What I see are
people that have very, very low self-esteems. I have even heard
comments from spouses that they would much rather have their man there
with them instead of working because less chance of him going out on
her? I have met the man that the wife ran off with someone else, maybe
even his best friend. This man is also suffering from low, low self
esteem, as he now believes he wasn't good enough for his wife. He tries
to become "super" dad and is afraid to go out into the world where
there
are "mean" people. His children show him how appreciated he is, how
much they love and "need" him, where this becomes his safe haven. To
friends, family, etc this man will come around and whine to them how
difficult it has been to find a job, to take care of the kids after
school, etc. He will find excuse after excuse why he isn't too
interested in finding a job. I have also found that if he owns a
computer and his children are all of school age he will spend hours and
hours on the internet, losing all touch with reality, getting deeper and
deeper into a rut. This type of person needs more help than what we can
offer. He needs family and friends to intervene, and to give him lots,
lots of recognition, spend more time with him praising him for what he
does for his children, yet reminding him of what he needs to do for
himself. Too many people, family tend to stay away, as it is easier to
think that if he is left alone he will do better...but this is a very
big mistake. This person needs to learn to live again. IF we could
focus on building self esteem, self esteem, self esteem, teaching them
about self pride, teach them how to divert their self pity onto another
person that is in much more need, how to look for positive people as
friends, coping with stress, unemployment, lack of partner, children,
etc. We may be able to make a dent. I have also had women tell me that
all we teach them once they are in our hands, goes out the window once
they get home. They find it very difficult to deal with at home because
everyone, everything is still the same at home. Things haven't changed
there, they feel that in order for them to change and/or follow through
with what they learn that they need external support. And of course we
all know this is true. :)
In CA and probably other
states, males don't have to be single parents
in order to be on TANF. Mostly
don't take the anger, etc., personally and be assertive if there are things to
be done. You do have to ensure that they are able bodied
and then do all you can to get them moving towards self-sufficiency. As
one guy said "You seem to have an answer for everything".
Although I would love to be able to provide you with feedback re: this issue, I regret to inform you that I can't because I often deal with this same issue myself. As a matter of fact just this week, I received another referral for a 20 year old male client looking for services. Fortunately this male does not have any children that he has custody of, but here is a perfectly, "physically", healthy adult that is not working and living b/n his mother and grandmother, looking for assistance. AHHH! I would certainly appreciate any feedback you have though. Hope to hear from you soon. Thanks!
Sincerely, Jen~